Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
4 words: hood of his car
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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