4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Randomize
