you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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