I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
