she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
