you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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