hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
