he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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