I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
