You just made me feel so damn special
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
