I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
