Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize