u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
