I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
