my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
