How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
