susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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