HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
