I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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