Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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