Define "chronic" masturbator.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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