Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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