The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
