Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
