Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
