They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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