shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
