Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
