Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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