She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
