Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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