who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
