I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
