My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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