I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can i not drive my cunt home
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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