she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize