it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
