Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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