Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize