Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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