I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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