someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
