Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Small penises have feelings too.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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