Need sex. Gaining weight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
