I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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