i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i think my cat just said my name.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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