she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
