dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
