Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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