Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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