i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Alive.
So much puke
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
