Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
