My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
