She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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