I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
