considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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