I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
