Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
