I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
