Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize