If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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