Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
