woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
