I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
