So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
