Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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