420 ftw
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
