Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
