the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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