Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
