tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
