I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
