you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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