I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
