You're so nebulous sometimes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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