Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
