haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
