So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
