Jerry, you need to find god
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
