I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you never un-have a 4some
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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