imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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