Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think your dad took our porno
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
