On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
